


From the mind of an Astrophile

by Voiid (Saturn_the_Almighty)



Category: Original Work, Red vs. Blue, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Changing Tenses, Drabbles, FUCK, I have Limited Knowledge™, I'm just shoving random things in here nbd, Mostly poems, Occasionally dreams, References to Red vs. Blue, Research, Stupid things my brain thinks up, Things to save, for future reference, my writing, references to Greek mythology, references to other media
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-05 07:46:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 4,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12789987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saturn_the_Almighty/pseuds/Voiid
Summary: I'll write things sometimes that I feel need to see the light of day. So here they are. Some of them might be really hecking short, some of them might be long as dicks. Whatever.





	1. The night of November 13, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a dream I had on Nov. 13, 2017. Yeah yeah, I'm in too deep, don't need to tell me twice.

I'm on a bridge somewhere in the pacific northwest and there is this person ~~_Isaac Gates_~~  who either jumped or fell off the bridge and died. I was there and witnessed the whole thing. A while later I'm going about my business and someone walks up to me. The left half of their mandible and part of their maxilla is just gone. Replaced by an inky black void. The majority of their right forearm as well as a good chunk of their left torso is also gone. So is their right calf and some of their left thigh. All of the missing bits are just void.

 

I think 'Whoah, that's kinda odd.' Not 'Fuck, this shit is getting weird' like a normal person. _"Do you remember me?"_ they ask. I shake my head. I really don't remember them. At all. _"What? You watched me die! I fell off a cliff into nothingness!"_ they practically screeched. I shake my head violently. "I don't remember." I assure them. I don't care that they say 'cliff' and not 'bridge'. _"Bullshit"_ the person growls. They pull a pair of scissors out from nowhere and threaten me with them. _"You SAW me die! You KNOW who I am! Say it!"_ They are screaming now, and we're on the same bridge that they died on. A yellow semi-truck passes us.

 

I look around, suddenly realizing where we are and all the memories flood back. _"Say it! Say you know who I am! Tell me my name!"_ the person yells. The void is bubbling at the edges, the smoothness disrupted. I step back, suddenly on the railing with the person floating above the brige and holding the scissor-knife at my eye level. _"Say. It."_ They get closer. _"Tell. Me. My. Name."_ I take a FUCKING STUPID step back and slip. I start falling off the edge, vaguely aware of words spilling out of my mouth. Two short words, ~~_Isaac Gates_~~ probably a name but I don't remember. ~~_Isaac Gates_~~. I don't remember their name. ~~_Isaac Gates_~~.


	2. If

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, the fucking weirdest thoughts ever. Just a stream of consciousness/tidbits from dreams that I wrote down or remembered. A jumble of brain things.

Fallout  
Radiation poisoning  
Skin torn from your fingers  
Take  
Make it still  
Tie the knot  
Scream like you mean it  
Leave it there  
Rip it from the ground  
Underneath the underneath  
_If_  
Never dead  
Just black  
Inky inky inky  
Just black  
_If_  
Starry  
Punctured in the fabric  
Starry and bright  
Lightbeams  
Natural sattelite  
_If_  
Gaseous ball of flame  
Blue like ice  
Blue like ocean  
Flame flame  
_If_  
Starry  
Inky  
Flame  
Shining and cold and beautiful  
Frozen in time  
Frozen in space  
_If_  
 _If_  
 _If_

 _If_ I die, leave me where I lay  
I want to look out at the starry blackness  
The inky cold expanse  
_If_ I die, leave me where I lay

It's better that way.


	3. Bleeding out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I might add more verses to this later.

One second passes and seems like forever  
It takes to long for me to come to my senses  
I fall back and I hit the ground...  
It feels like I'm bleeding out!  
Feels like I'm bleeding out!

One second passes and it takes forever  
Two seconds pass and takes even longer  
Then it's three  
Then it's four  
Then it's five  
Then its six  
Then it's seven  
Then it's eight  
Then it's nine...

And a whole minute passes  
And everything's still.  
A whole minute passes  
And nobody moves.


	4. Distant

Haunted like an old forgotten temple

Silken like the secret trees

Charred like an ancient oak

Dying like our planet

Distant like all the life we have yet to see

Distant like all the stars we have yet to see

Distant like all the universe we have yet to see

_Distant_

_Distant_

_Distant_


	5. Colorful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Experimental writing. Installment 1/?
> 
> I took all of five minutes to write this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More RvB shit.

The violet and deep forest green has faded, its color seeped into an eternity along with the shades of purple and lime that it's always been with.

Gold, tarnished and dusty and gone with the rest. Happy-go-lucky up until the end. Laid back, like nothing was wrong. Ah, that damn left side.

The stark ivory is huge and looming, its distinguished brown accents bright and noticeable in the blackness. The shining reflective helmet is reminiscent of the bird he never was. Chicken.

There’s more brown too, a ridiculous helmet that she got made fun of for. A ridiculous oversight that she died for.

White. Whiter than even he was. His jokes left so much to be desired. His moustache never did.

And there’s blue, not unlike the familiar shade of the present. A silver visor, an air of mystery and terror. Only Reggie knew him well.

The aqua-turquoise-seafoam green-whatever it is, that color isn't lost to the void. That color, that armor, that person is still safe in the light. In the land of the living. Hopefully, she won't have to join everyone else any time soon.

Wash doesn't have room in his memories for anymore dead teammates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write something that started out cryptic and got clearer the further you read. It's weird.


	6. Guilty

There's blood on your hands  
Stains on your name  
Dirt on your conscience  
You've killed your claim to fame

There's murder in your glare  
Bruises on your spine  
You've fractured your pride  
And made it all mine

No going back now  
No making this right  
No patching this up  
So get out of my sight

I won't hear it  
No excuses from you  
You dragged me into this  
I'm just as guilty too

This is so far from okay  
You've lied to my face  
Don't you dare say you're sorry  
Or I'll put you in your place

You've got your knives  
You've got your smile  
You've got a chance  
So take it


	7. Devil's Tower

It's a huge tower of basalt in northeastern Wyoming. The sky looks magnificent at night. You can see the shape of the galaxy, the way it seems to bend across the sky. The stars, spilled like sugar overhead clumped together and glittering. Sometimes you can spot a satellite making its way around the Earth, the sunlight from thousands of miles away reflecting perfectly off their solar arrays.

There's a certain kind of quiet that descends over the landscape at night. A different kind of quiet that city dwellers never know. The only sounds heard are the rare rustlings of insects in the dry grass. It's dark too. The sky seems to scream, tiny pin pricks that shout and sing with heavenly light.


	8. Glittering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have this headcanon that everyone who has had possession of an alien key-sword got these cool glowy tattoos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tucker has them.  
> Locus has them.  
> Felix _had_ had them.  
>  Doyle _had_ them too.

His are a glittering aqua, like tropical water set into his skin. They glow with a soft pulsating light. All down his right arm, swirling ethereal lines, curling around the muscles, following the veins. The tips of his fingers are almost white with bright light, his touch is almost electric.

His are a deep green like damp moss clinging to the smooth rocks at the edge of a stream deep in a forest. His glow in a dim, fuzzy way. Contact with water makes their light stronger, complete submergence and the light becomes blinding. The marks run from a single point on his back and down both his arms. They are perfectly symmetrical, unnatural against the subtle asymmetry of his scarred flesh. The lines are geometric, creating even more juxtaposition. There is a single downturned triangle settled between his shoulderblades.

His glow so faintly its hard to tell they do at all. The orange glow is menacing, the two lines wrapping around his neck seem to hold a deeper meaning than any of the other's. The light stayed that deep orange. Never got brighter except for once. In the instant of his death they surged with light, a bright and violent flash, almost like an explosion.

His are small, almost unnoticable but somehow they are the most powerful. Right underneath his eyes sit two symmetrical yet very faint yellow marks. They follow the curve of his eyes and point sharply downward along his cheekbones. It's hard to notice them unless one is really searching. They don't glow. At least, not in the light. In the shadows, however, in the darkness of night they spring to life and shed a warm yellow glow all around. Just enough to not be afraid of the dark.


	9. Collapse

It took me a while  
But I figured it out  
I figured myself out  
And it took too long  
Now you're gone

I felt the sun  
I felt it collapsing!  
I felt the stars  
I felt them shouting!

Oh I took so long  
And now you're gone  
Yes I took so damn long  
And now you're gone

It's what I get  
For dragging it out  
For never letting you  
Get your words out

Now I can feel the sun collapsing!  
Now I can feel the stars, they're shouting!

Now I can tear myself apart  
And let the cold in  
Now I can tear myself apart  
And let the void in

I can hear the sun collapsing!  
I can hear the stars, now they're yelling!

Oh I can hear!  
The sun!  
Collapsing!  
I can hear!  
The stars!  
Yelling!

They are shouting  
And they're yelling  
And they're singing for the sun!

And all because I took too long  
Yeah, all because I took so long

Now I can tear myself apart  
And let the cold in  
I can tear myself apart   
And let the void in  
Maybe it's time I  
Collapse into myself.


	10. a e s t h e t i c

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These remind me of images and colors and feelings.

"He is ethereal but his words can cut like broken glass."

"Wander off the trail and you risk getting bitten by whatever's in the woods."

"Wrap your wounds or the blood might attract the hissing shadows."

"I hear buzzing in the walls."

"The lingering touches of my worst mistake."

"It's warm and wet and so very, very _red_."

"I can't feel my sadness anymore."

"Take a picture when I'm not looking, you just might see a tear."

"I wish I could smell the wildflowers by the side of the highway."

"The lights in this convenience store at three a.m. make me sleepy."

"I miss your whispers and strawberry candy."

"All the colors in the world can't make you fade away."

"I'm taking a risk because you mean the moon and stars to me."

"Please don't tell me I'm dreaming because if I wake up, I'll forget you."

"I love the smell of damp pine mulch, the dirt staining my hands."


	11. 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been watching a bunch of Hitman let's plays... You know how it goes.

Self contradictory  
Vindictive yet innocent  
And you never needed  
Anyone more than in this moment

Yeah you fake it till you make it  
Just a little bit maybe just a little hit  
Or two or three or four or five

And before you know it  
You're back in circulation  
Set ablaze, like a great conflagration  
You're on _fire_ , man!

And they got a bullet clean through their head  
Once you're through with 'em  
You got roped in again  
And you thought you were gone  
But then again,

Can you ever really leave this life?  
Can you ever really leave your knife  
On the table or will the sneaking suspicion  
Consume you like the hit life did?

The answer is no to the first two,  
Yes to the rest  
You can't ever walk away  
You gotta, you gotta stay

Self contradictory  
Vindictive yet innocent  
And you never needed  
Anyone more than in this moment

But you know... You really do  
You're never getting out of this line of life alive.


	12. Several Consecutive Occurrences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've had this dream a few times before.
> 
> I wrote it in an experimental style and removed the names.

The desert is flat.

It stretches for miles in every direction, the only point of reference being the mountains jutting out of the dry cracked dirt to the north and the orange glow from whatever nameless star to the south.

She thinks it's the south.

The dirt sends up small clouds of dust when she walks.

She heads toward a diner front. It's only the front. It lacks three walls and a ceiling.

The diner is empty save for one booth in the corner. The seats are red leather. The leather is fake. The booth has five people sitting at it.

The five people are her friends. She sits on one side between two of the friends.

She feels safe.

She moves closer to the friend on her right, his deep voice resonating in his chest.

She feels safe.

She feels tired.

She rests against the friend, his shoulder is easy to fall asleep on. She sleeps for a while. She feels safe.

She awakens to his resonating voice again. She feels safe.

Her eyes are drawn to the sky. The clouds are the color of bruises on pale skin.

They are fluffy and small, stretching across the entire sky and almost covering the orange glow from the alien star.

The clouds are nice, like a cozy celestial quilt.

She feels safe.

The clouds are dark and cold, ominous as they loom overhead.

She feels scared.

The friend with the deep voice pulls her head back down, forcing her to rip her eyes away from the clouds which make her feel safe and scared all at the same time.

She looks at him, the friend she knows so well and she can feel the knot in her stomach tighten.

His eyes are milky white.

She stumbles out of the booth, eyes wide with fear.

No, panic.

She stares at the friends across the table.

One, her eyes are milky white.

Two, his eyes are milky white.

Three, her eyes are milky white.

_Panic._

She looks over at the fifth friend, he’s small like she is.

His eyes are not milky white.

She feels safe.

The friend, small like she, takes her hand.

They run.

They run to the north, toward the mountains jutting out of the dry cracked dirt.

They run.

They run so fast their feet barely touch the ground, their lungs strain to keep up, their muscles ache, their blood rushes in their ears.

_Deafening._

She wheezes, her breath ragged. She tries to draw air into her lungs but by the time she does she already has to exhale.

There’s no time to give her blood more oxygen. The blood rushes in her ears, her head is pounding. It hurts. It’s deafening.

She’s scared.

She crumples to the ground, gulping for air. Her head stops pounding, her blood is quiet, her muscles still ache but she can breathe now.

_Breathe._

She can see the friends in the distance.

They are running.

She can see there are four.

They are running.

She can see their angry faces.

They are running.

She tries to move.

They are running.

Her legs won’t move.

They are running.

She can see their eyes _milky white._

They are running.

The friend is upon her, his hands grabbing at her shoulders, pushing her to the ground.

Her head hits the dry cracked dirt and sends up a small cloud of dust.

She screams.

_I hate you, I envy you, I can’t ever have what you do._

She screams.

_Why did you do this? This is all your fault. I hate you, I love you._

The friend moves his right hand towards her neck, he places it over her windpipe, poised to crush it in his hand which is so much stronger than hers.

She inhales and it’s mostly dust. She coughs, and it’s mostly blood. She cries, and it’s mostly tears.

He screams.

_I can’t._

He screams.

_I can’t._

He screams.

_I would if I could but I can’t._

She breathes, and it isn’t dust. She coughs, and it isn't blood. She cries and it’s only tears.

The friend is standing, he isn’t choking. She stands too, because her legs will let her now. The four turn back toward the diner. The diner with only one wall.

They run.


	13. Character Development

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy with how his character has progressed over the course of the show. Especially in the new season.

Dad issues? Resolve them. Stop abrasively looking for a father figure in your Sargent. Stop sucking up to everyone who you feel has some amount of authority over you. Confidence issues? Resolve them. If there's a problem that you know how to solve then fucking solve it because no one else will. Learn how to lead better. Not because you have the potential but because you have a squad of young women who rely on you for safety and you can't let them down.

Learn how to use a knife because you'll run out of ammo at some point and then how else will you protect the most important person you've ever met? Paradoxes? Time travel? Fuck that, you've consumed so much scifi material you should be the expert, not fucking Jax Jonez. Assert your intelligence.

You're not afraid. Open that damn door. Whatever the outcome, it doesn't matter. Free will or not you're still the only one who will take a step towards the door and that must count for something.

You are Richard fucking Simmons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needless to say, I love this man and I have a laundry list of headcanons taped to my wall about him.


	14. \pə-ˈsī-dᵊn\

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writing prompt: Write a paragraph on a topic of your choice using only one syllable words.

His arms are strong, lined with long, pale scars and he wears two gold rings on his left hand. He is dark from all his long, long years in the sun. His eyes are grey, dark like a storm. There are clouds in his eyes, too, clouds like a storm. His hair is black, the shade of the sea when it's leagues deep. His hair is soft, it falls in waves down his back and he ties it on top of his head with a piece of blue cloth. The sea parts at his feet with each step. The waves build to his left and to his right, a wall of blue and green and white. He is kind and fierce and loud and swift and all that the sea is and all it has been and all it will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave kudos and a comment, your feedback makes my day a hundred times better! ❤❤❤


	15. save

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thing for later

 

perfect


	16. s t o r m

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written about eight months ago.

I am wishing for a Stormcloud  
Larger than any other  
Layers upon layers of  
Dark brooding beauty

I am wishing for a Stormcloud  
Immense claps of thunder  
Shattering the air with  
Their booming, piercing sound

I am wishing for a Stormcloud  
Bright flashes of white  
Lightningbolts searing  
The sky with blinding  
arrows of light.

I am wishing for a Stormcloud  
Tiny piercing drops  
Falling falling  
Touching down  
Drenching with all  
their might

I am wishing for a Stormcloud  
But not only that  
Darkness  
Thunder  
Lightning  
Rain

I am wishing for a Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get my storm in the end...


	17. Headcanons of A Trio in Perfect Unison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, the Triplets worked so well together that PFL dropped them in the middle of a frozen wasteland. I love them. I think about them a lot.

Mike is a sweet boy, he's asexual and demiromantic. It takes him a while to trust people fully. He had a bad time... With life... Before he joined Freelancer. He has some nasty scars on his wrists that he just wishes would go away.

Ezra had surgery when he was a teenager for tendons in his legs that were too short. He struggled for a bit with his identity and a lot of people around him suggested different ways of expressing himself and confused him even more. His long hair at the time made a few assume he was trans or non binary because of his slightly androgynous face but eventually he shut everyone away for a few weeks and realized he was fine the way he'd always been. A cis male who sometimes likes to tie up his hair in two buns because it looks like bear ears. He's still questioning his sexuality. After he got over his crush on Vera along came a man named Darryl, clad in scarlet armor and armed with a voice that makes his knees buckle.

Vera used to be a ballet dancer en pointe. It was her life, her passion, her purpose. Then an accident broke both her ankles and fractured her left fibula and even though she recovered, she wasn't strong enough to continue dancing. Freelancer was the next best thing, power armor supported her legs and she had a purpose again. On the ice planet there was no purpose so she made her own. She still imagines dancing again, someday, somehow. She finds herself going through the arm movements and different starting positions every now and again, just in case. It wouldn't suit her to forget all she's learned.


	18. Because There is Something Worth Noting About This Individual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otherwise known as BPD Vagabond, my new favorite headcanon.
> 
> Let me preface this by saying I love Achievement Hunter and I've been reading a lot of fahc AU fics and besides always having loved the Vagabond I figured why not take advantage of this Songfic prompt I got on Tumblr and expand it exponentially?
> 
> Thus I found myself spending a day and a half researching Borderline Personality Disorder and I need a place to put all the useful info I'm going to need when writing the Vagabond in this upcoming fahc jeremwood Songfic sometime in the later half of 2019 oof that's a long ways off, sorry y'all, you're gonna have to wait.

**From NIMH, Symptoms of BPD:**

People with borderline personality disorder may experience mood swings and display _uncertainty about how they see themselves_ and their role in the world. As a result, _their interests and values can change quickly._

People with borderline personality disorder also tend to _view things in extremes, such as all good or all bad_. Their opinions of other people can also change quickly. An individual who is seen as a friend one day may be considered an enemy or traitor the next. These shifting feelings can lead to _intense and unstable relationships._

Other signs or symptoms may include:

  * Efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, such as _rapidly initiating intimate (physical or emotional) relationships_ or _cutting off communication with someone in anticipation of being abandoned_
  * _A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)_
  * _Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self_
  * Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, _reckless driving, and binge eating._ Please note: If these behaviors occur primarily during a period of elevated mood or energy, they may be signs of a mood disorder—not borderline personality disorder
  * Self-harming behavior, such as cutting
  * Recurring thoughts of suicidal behaviors or threats
  * _Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days_
  * _Chronic feelings of emptiness_
  * _Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger_
  * _Difficulty trusting, which is sometimes accompanied by irrational fear of other people’s intentions_
  * Feelings of dissociation, such as feeling cut off from oneself, seeing oneself from outside one’s body, or feelings of unreality



Not everyone with borderline personality disorder experiences every symptom. Some individuals experience only a few symptoms, while others have many. Symptoms can be triggered by seemingly ordinary events. For example, people with borderline personality disorder may become _angry and distressed over minor separations from people to whom they feel close, such as traveling on business trips. (This will come in handy during chapter 5: I wanna feel the sadness)_ __The severity and frequency of symptoms and how long they last will vary depending on the individual and their illness.

 **For my specific needs:** Brain Factors. Studies show that people with borderline personality disorder can have _structural and functional changes in the brain especially in the areas that control impulses and emotional regulation._ But is it not clear whether these changes are risk factors for the disorder, or caused by the disorder.

**Psychotherapy, from NIMH:**

Psychotherapy is the first-line treatment for people with borderline personality disorder. A therapist can provide _one-on-one treatment between the therapist and patient,_ or treatment in a group setting. Therapist-led group sessions may help teach people with borderline personality disorder how to interact with others and how to effectively express themselves.

It is important that people in therapy get along with, and trust their therapist. The very nature of borderline personality disorder can make it difficult for people with the disorder to maintain a comfortable and trusting bond with their therapist.

Two examples of psychotherapies used to treat borderline personality disorder include:

 **Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT):** This type of therapy was developed for individuals with borderline personality disorder. DBT uses concepts of mindfulness and acceptance or being aware of and attentive to the current situation and emotional state. DBT also teaches skills that can help:

  * Control intense emotions
  * Reduce self-destructive behaviors
  * Improve relationships



  
**Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT):** This type of therapy can help people with borderline personality disorder identify and change core beliefs and behaviors that underlie inaccurate perceptions of themselves and others, and problems interacting with others. CBT may help _reduce a range of mood and anxiety symptoms and reduce the number of suicidal or self-harming behaviors._

 **Uhh more psychotherapy:** [Psychotherapy Options](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/helping-someone-with-borderline-personality-disorder.htm)

 **More info for the crew:** [Helping Someone with BPD](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/helping-someone-with-borderline-personality-disorder.htm)

**Therapy for Family Members, from NIMH:**

Families and caregivers of people with borderline personality disorder may also benefit from therapy. Having a relative or loved one with the disorder can be stressful, and family members or caregivers may _unintentionally act in ways that can worsen their loved one’s symptoms._

Some borderline personality disorder therapies include family members, caregivers, or loved ones in treatment sessions. This type of therapy helps by:

  * Allowing the relative or loved one develop skills to better understand and support a person with borderline personality disorder
  * Focusing on the needs of family members to help them understand the obstacles and strategies for caring for someone with borderline personality disorder. Although more research is needed to determine the effectiveness of family therapy in borderline personality disorder, studies on other mental disorders suggest that _including family members can help in a person's treatment._



**From kitofrp on Tumblr, their personal difficulties dealing with BPD:**

I’m not going to get very into my struggles and the things I’ve dealt with as they could be triggering/are highly personal, but I’m going to try to give a little bit of a glimpse into what it feels like to live with BPD. Most mornings when I wake up, I start by going through a _mental breakdown of the day ahead_ of me and pick up on possibly _difficult things I might have to face then blow them up until I feel unable to leave my bedroom._ If there is something worrying me, I can think about it and _make it worse and worse until I break down_. I’ve created entire scenarios in my mind where I think nobody likes me because I go for a few hours without human contact, and that can lead to self-harm or suicidal thoughts. Friendships are hard, because BPD comes with a _very black and white way of seeing the world. That means it’s hard to see middle ground, and you can think someone is either amazing or the worst person in the world._ Sometimes this view of people can change in a really short amount of time, so you could hate someone one minute and adore them the next. It also means _I idolize people in my life, and put them up on pedestals so that when they do something that disappoints me it feels like a really terrible blow._

For me, emotions are so much more than just that. _Everything is amplified, so getting a little sad about something can escalate so much until I’m in tears on the floor_ over a comment someone made to me that I took the wrong way. Self-hate can also stem from this, as you feel like it’s impossible to love yourself if you think everything is so much more of a big deal than it really is. _And since my overreactions can be seen as aversive, it’s hard to hold onto friendships for very long._

When things get bad, I have a thing that I use to calm myself down and I know from talking with people in my therapy group that they do as well. This can be _anything from a book that cheers you up to writing stories to watching a show to focusing on a certain happy memory._ Yes, I just compared BPD methods to methods of resisting dementors. Deal with it.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to leave a comment you beautiful, beautiful people! ❤❤❤


End file.
